Couple of Agent Critiques for a Non-standard Fantasy

I've finished my 2007 Nano a short while ago, and want to show it to some agents. I've written a couple of possible queries for it. Here's the first one: [quote]Dear Agent, Dashiell's a fellow who lives an exciting life in his city, where everyone knows what makes them special. He becomes sick and tired of all of this, wishing there was more to life than charming people and exciting adventure, but he doesn't know where to find something new. It's then he meets Raleigh, a displaced woman lost in a forest in his backyard. She's nothing Dashiell's known before: soft-spoken, introspective, ordinary. She doesn't know the way home, so Dashiell takes her in. Raleigh is from a place very much like ours. Her life is full of the usual things; television, fast food, suburban sprawl, the nagging suspicion that the world was more interesting before she was born. To Dashiell, though, these things seem radical! Raleigh has much to share about her world, and Dashiell, too, has much to share. As Raleigh goes out into the city, she becomes an enigmatic sensation. As much as she loves it here, though, she becomes homesick, and Dashiell is frustrated that he still can't help her find her way home. It isn't long before the city's fascination turns to obsession, with Raleigh and Dashiell caught in the middle, as the city shows its darker side. WHIZ-BANG FANTASTIC, at 81,000 words, is a high-spirited fantasy, bound to appeal to readers who have loved the lavish humour of Roald Dahl or Peter S. Beagle. It is a story about learning to discover the uniqueness in your life, no matter how buried it may seem. The first five pages of the novel and a synopsis are included in this e-mail, as per requested. Thank you for your consideration.[/quote] And a more recent one: [quote]Dear Agent, At a casual glance, Dashiell Colourful seems like a man who has it all. A sense of style, a successful business and a loving wife, his life seems like a fantastic one. His city, too, is one of intense splendour and charm, the kind of city that has only existed in our dreams. To be the toast of a town like this is a celebrated feat. And yet, Dashiell finds himself wanting. He craves something bold and new, longs for a shift from the ordinary. But when one’s “ordinary” is already extraordinary, what can one do about it? It’s then that he meets a woman named Raleigh, lost in the woods in his backyard. She’s like nothing Dashiell has ever known before: soft-spoken, reserved, thoroughly plain. Not knowing where she came from, Dashiell takes her in. Raleigh is from a place very much like ours: full of television, fast food, suburban sprawl, and the nagging suspicion that the world was more interesting before she was born. To Dashiell, though, this is just the spectacular change he’s been looking for! As she explores the city, they too become rapt by her ordinariness. This city has never understood something whose features are not out on full display, and she becomes an immediate sensation. As time goes by, however, Raleigh longs to return home, and Dashiell must uncover where she came from before the city’s fascination turns to obsession. WHIZ-BANG FANTASTIC, at 81,000 words, is a high-spirited and humourous fantasy about learning to discover the uniqueness in yourself, no matter how buried it may seem. A lavish and witty tale, bound to appeal to lovers of writers like Paulo Coelho and Terry Pratchett, I’ve submitted the first five pages of the manuscript, as per your submission guidelines, for your consideration. Thank you kindly for your time and attention.[/quote] I'm trying to make the pitch efficient for a premise as lavish as this, and to keep the word count down, but also don't want it to come off as rushing. I'm also having a hard time figuring out what to do about the paragraph mentioning credentials and life experience, since I don't have many credentials of note, and I'm not sure what life experience would apply to a fantastical story like this. An extra short paragraph about the agent and the work he represents will probably be slipped in on an agent-by-agent basis. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!